Submitting to Your Husband as a Christian Wife: How Submission is Misunderstood

Submitting to your husband as a Christian wife is one of the purest forms of love that you can take part in. Unfortunately, the biblical role for a wife to submit to her husband is misunderstood by many, even Christians. Society indoctrinates us to believe that submitting to your husband is cringeworthy and toxic. However, this is completely taken out of context. Submitting to your husband the way God intended is such a beautiful and incomprehensible way to love your husband like no one else can. So today, at Katie T’s Home, I will discuss what submitting to your husband actually means and how to do so.

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Society Views

Before I explain submitting to your husband and how to do so, I want to discuss why society reacts negatively towards it. 

Unsurprisingly, it starts with the feminist movement. What was once advocating for equality has now turned into a campaign to promote the idea of being a strong and independent woman. 

If you want my opinion, there is no such thing as a Christian feminist because both parties contradict one another.

If we are really “independent” strong women, where does God fit into all of that?

We are all dependent on God and God alone. The idea that we can be an “independent” woman is the apple of the tree.

It’s an enticing campaign wrapped up in a bow, telling you that you can do everything by yourself because, after all, you’re independent and don’t need a man.   

This is such a slap to the face to God because he doesn’t have to give us anything. He doesn’t have to give us our husbands, kids, jobs, friends, blessings, and free will. But he wants to gift us these blessings. Having the attitude that we are independent would be like a toddler thinking that they don’t need their parents and can do it themselves. 

And I know there is a spectrum regarding this way of thinking. To be clear, I’m not trying to attack the woman out there who simply wants to be treated fairly and with dignity. I hope that’s something every human wants.

I’m talking about the feminists who are in your face about their beliefs and push them on the rest of society who go out of their way to victimize men in the same way they are claiming to be victimized.

So, of course, with the idea that we are supposed to be independent, hearing the passage “Likewise you wives, be submissive to your husbands” (1 Peter 3:1) may raise a couple of eyebrows minimally. But this is looking at scripture through a feminist lens and, by default, makes people feel like the Church is bigoted or toxic. 

The sad reality is this passage is completely taken out of context. It’s no different than hearing a fraction of a conversation and missing the vital conditions of the matter. 

What Does Submission Actually Mean?

Well, submitting to your husband means that you support your husband’s mission. Submission is placing yourself under the overarching mission of another person. Sub-mission. 

The sad reality is that people dismiss the part that comes after Ephesians 22 because they biasly take wives being submissive out of context. People miss the: 

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Even so husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the church,  because we are members of his body. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, and I mean in reference to Christ and the church; however, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:25-33

So, in essence, we are told to support our husband’s mission, and the apostle Paul clearly outlines what our husband’s mission should be. It should be to love us, their wives, as Christ loved and gave himself up for his church. 

Jesus came to earth to lead us to God. He didn’t do this by ruling the nation or becoming a tyrant King. He did it by serving. He did it by laying down his life so that we, his church, may have the chance to live eternally with God the Father. 

If it’s expected of men to lead and love us like Jesus loves his church, then it means that we are the priority of our husbands. Even if it means they are sacrificing their own lives to save ours.  That’s true love. Shouldn’t we want to stand behind this? 

Ironically, being submissive is portrayed as being a doormat, but if anything, it guarantees us a life of receiving love. 

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What Does Submitting to Our Husbands Look Like?

To be clear, I am not advocating for women to be taken advantage of. Implementing submission in your relationship is where it gets tricky because the model given in the bible of what it means to be submissive doesn’t account for brokenness.

We are all broken, and the sad reality is some people simply do not have a healthy way of managing their brokenness. That can make it incredibly hard for the people who want to do right, and it can lead to enabling, which is a separate issue of its own. 

This is why it’s crucial to be equally yoked. If your husband’s mission in life is not in line with yours, then submitting to him will contradict your biblical role.

If your husband’s mission is to serve himself, then submitting to him will only feed his ego because he’s not in the right frame of mind. If you believe this to be your situation, the best thing you can do is pray and seek support from those experienced with knowing how to handle such situations.

But if you are equally yoked, then being submissive is supporting your husband’s mission. 

I’d say the mission across the board is to make it to heaven. To do what we can in this life for an eternal abundance with God. As wives, we are held accountable to support and do what we can to get ourselves and our husbands to heaven.

If you want inspiration on how to do this, I have 3 tips on what you can do today to help your husband get to heaven. 

Likewise, our husband’s goal is similar.

But here’s the catch. We are all unique in personality, gifts, experiences, and how we each fit together as a couple. 

So there isn’t a “one size fits all” in the sense that I recommend you do XYZ. Because it’s not about being the best homemaker who gets up early, does the laundry, and makes all the meals from scratch. It’s not about that at all. 

Rather, your husband’s goal is to serve you, which may take the form of being a provider financially for the family and allowing you to stay home and work on your relationship with God, raise kids, and/or make your house a home. 

As a result of this service, it’s your responsibility to support him. So, while yes, it can take the form of doing the laundry, cooking meals, budgeting finances, and running errands, it doesn’t always have to be. 

I would even say your objective is encouraging him to be the best version of himself. If that means he struggles with overeating, spending, vanity, or laziness, part of submitting to him is helping him through these struggles, however, that may look.

Does Being Submissive Mean We Are Unequal?

If you’re merely looking at submitting to your husband from the perspective of who has the authority then, yes. I guess it would mean that we are “unequal”. 

But I believe this frame of mind to be looking at it the wrong way. It would be like saying the best player on the team is the one who has scored the most goals. While yes, that player is important and can win the game, the defensive players keep the team from losing.

Just like the trinity, the foundation of Christianity, the father is the head, and Jesus is the son, yet both, including the holy spirit, are one. 

Each persons in the trinity, father, son, and holy spirit, have a different role but are united as one Godhead. So, we, as Christian women, don’t have less authority than our husbands, rather we are united as one with different roles.

Submitting to Your Husband as a Christian Wife: How Submission is Misunderstood

There you have it! Submitting to your husband as an act of love and what it means. I hope you have found this post helpful, and I look forward to seeing you next time!